I was once asked on a coaching call, “How do I change my beliefs around money?”
The person’s beliefs were that if they make more money, they will be greedy. Therefore, when they make more money, they must give it away or spend it quickly. They even felt like they should avoid the actions required to get it in the first place.
It’s very important to understand something: the strongest force in human personality is the need to remain consistent in how we define ourselves—our identity.
If you hold an identity (one of the strongest forms of beliefs) of yourself, you will do whatever it takes, consciously or subconsciously, to make that identity a reality.
In order to change your identity, you must realign your values and in turn, create a new identity that meets all of your core needs—certainty, variety, significance, connection, growth and contribution.
This will take action.
The more identities you have that give you fulfillment in life, the better.
For example, if your sole identity is being a mother, what will you do when your kids grow up? Or if your sole identity is that you are financially successful, what will happen when you lose a business or go bankrupt? You’ll experience the emotional rollercoaster of loss of identity.
I’ve lost my identity before—and it’s not fun.
So ask yourself, what identities do you tell yourself you have?
If you need help identifying your identities, I’ll give you a clue. Look for anything that starts with “I am….”
And do they serve you well?
If they don’t serve you, think about the things you value the most. See how you can realign what it is you want to be doing to meet your values and needs.
“I am: Two of the most powerful words, for what you put after them shapes your reality.” —Gary Hensel
The strongest force in human personality is the need to remain consistent in how we define ourselves—our identity.
Write down your identities. If you have trouble finding them, write “I am…” then what you think you are. Which ones make you feel fulfilled and which don’t?
What are some words that would describe the identities you resonated with today? If someone met you and stayed with you all day, what words would they use after “(Your Name) is…”?